Dear Dr. Marquita,
I have been married for over 30 years, and I am at a loss for what to do about my marriage. My husband has been verbally and physically abusive, and I am constantly having tormenting dreams about my marriage. A few years ago, he molested one of our daughters, but we were able to get past it. I love my husband a great deal, but he shuts me out when I try to discuss our issues. Sometimes he even refuses to be intimate with me, and I am concerned that he is being unfaithful or is a homosexual. When I ask him about his sexuality he denies being a homosexual and becomes very angry. I want my husband to let me back in and treat me like his wife again. How can I reconnect with my husband and get him to give me what I need?
Signed,
Which Way Is Up?
Dear Which Way,
Oh my goodness, you certainly have your hands full! I am very alarmed by your email. Thank you for reaching out. You mention that your husband has been both verbally and physically abusive and that he has molested one of your daughters in the past. These are very serious situations. While your decision to stay in this relationship is certainly your own, you must make sure that you and your children are your priority and that you are doing all that you can to provide a nurturing, healthy, stable and safe environment for their growth. There are several programs that will help you to ensure everyone’s safety. In Philadelphia Women Against Abuse (WAA) provides just such services, and their number is 1(866) 723.3014. Please contact them if you would like information on any resources they can provide for you.
Secondly, you ask about whether he is cheating or is a homosexual. These, again, are some very serious concerns. You mention that you love your husband a great deal. How much do you love yourself? There are red flags about this relationship flashing like neon signs all over the place. I suggest that you make an appointment to speak with a psychological professional immediately. Your questions about “how to reconnect and get your husband to give you what you need” show that you are clearly in denial about the multiple layers of more intense concerns in your relationship. Dreams are your subconscious voice trying to get your conscious mind to pay attention to what is happening in your life. Pay attention!!!
To find a therapist in your area feel free to contact our office or go to <a href=”http://www.psychologytoday.com/”>www.psychologytoday.com</a>
Good Luck!
Dr. Marquita
Dear Dr. Marquita,
I have been married for over 30 years, and I am at a loss for what to do about my marriage. My husband has been verbally and physically abusive, and I am constantly having tormenting dreams about my marriage. A few years ago, he molested one of our daughters, but we were able to get past it. I love my husband a great deal, but he shuts me out when I try to discuss our issues. Sometimes he even refuses to be intimate with me, and I am concerned that he is being unfaithful or is a homosexual. When I ask him about his sexuality he denies being a homosexual and becomes very angry. I want my husband to let me back in and treat me like his wife again. How can I reconnect with my husband and get him to give me what I need?
Signed,
Which Way Is Up?
Dear Which Way,
Oh my goodness, you certainly have your hands full! I am very alarmed by your email. Thank you for reaching out. You mention that your husband has been both verbally and physically abusive and that he has molested one of your daughters in the past. These are very serious situations. While your decision to stay in this relationship is certainly your own, you must make sure that you and your children are your priority and that you are doing all that you can to provide a nurturing, healthy, stable and safe environment for their growth. There are several programs that will help you to ensure everyone’s safety. In Philadelphia Women Against Abuse (WAA) provides just such services, and their number is 1(866) 723.3014. Please contact them if you would like information on any resources they can provide for you.
Secondly, you ask about whether he is cheating or is a homosexual. These, again, are some very serious concerns. You mention that you love your husband a great deal. How much do you love yourself? There are red flags about this relationship flashing like neon signs all over the place. I suggest that you make an appointment to speak with a psychological professional immediately. Your questions about “how to reconnect and get your husband to give you what you need” show that you are clearly in denial about the multiple layers of more intense concerns in your relationship. Dreams are your subconscious voice trying to get your conscious mind to pay attention to what is happening in your life. Pay attention!!!
To find a therapist in your area feel free to contact our office or go to www.psychologytoday.com
Good Luck!
Marquita